God's Love Shines down on us all

God's Love Shines down on us all
I Love You All, Blessed Be

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Fear is the biggest part of an aspergians/autistics soul. Fear of being discovered for who we really are. Fear of the world not accepting us, or wanting to destroy us because of our differences. Fear of the feeling of embarrassment, that can cause us to freeze and not function for minutes, which to us seems like hours. Often when we do speak we studder our words or pause out of fear. So many have such an overwhelming fear inside of them that they can't even speak. At least around others. And some not at all. Hiding inside of our heads where it's safe. This is more true of traditional autistic people as aspergians have the tendency to speak out more, sometimes to our own downfall. Sometimes we can't convey what we are trying to express and we end up looking foolish to everyone. Other times we seem like we are odd, strange geniuses and people are impressed with us. Some just see us as normal like everyone else. But yet we still have our fears. Fear of being alone, fear of trying something new. Yes everyone autistic and normal feels fears many times in their lives. Fear of speaking to a teacher or a boss. But normal people don't have panic and anxiety attacks from a normal meeting with someone of authority. They might be nervous to some extent, but they have no idea of the shaking, sweating, pulse quickening, the ringing in our ears, head down, just concentrating on what is happening in our bodies and not even hearing what the other person is saying to us. Fear never leaves the autistic. The feelings are so much more intense. You can see that fear is the biggest part of our lives when we can't look you in the eye. When we're afraid to socialize. Afraid to join your world. Because ours is safer. There are many feelings that humans deal with every day. But the autistic/aspergians out there have a harder time letting go. Forgetting, and moving on. Little things to everyone else are huge to us. And fear is #1.


  1. Scott,
    My brother passed away in 2006 and I know he was Aspergian. I always knew he was different but we could never put our finger on it. After I discovered and my son was diagnosed with Aspergers, I know that my brother as wella as my father had/has Aspergers. My dad lives a life of constant fear and he too is on anti-depressants and my brother also had fear. I wonder if I also have a touch of Aspergers. When I met John Robison when he came to Buffalo, he commented that I might have a story to tell as he can see the look in my face I suspect. I can relate to so much on what you describe especially the fear that you have in talking to authority figures. I too get the sweaty palms and shaky hands and flushed face....I wonder am I Aspergian too? It would explain a lot for me.

  2. Our world IS safer.
    Would I rather do things alone? Absolutely not. I ache all the time for relationships with my kids that others seem to have, to have friendships, company ..... just to be able to go be with others if I want.
    However, it is safer to retreat and 9 times out of 10, fear/anxiety is the deciding factor. I get exhausted just making the decision.