God's Love Shines down on us all

God's Love Shines down on us all
I Love You All, Blessed Be

Friday, August 21, 2009

Welcome back Scott!

Well, that experience was both frightening and interesting. But I'll get to that in a minute. First of all, it feels like I haven't been at this keyboard for a week! I know it hasn't even been two whole days but man did that time drag by slow! I see that in my absence some of you had brownies or some other treat that you were teasing the rest of your online friends with. Some of you are still playing your online games and doing good, although I really don't have the concentration to play games right now. I tried a couple, but I just can't. I love doing the quiz's. A lot of the things they say are dead on to my personality! I see E.D. Easley is still promoting his book, "The Lost Generation." I read the first chapter that he has online and it's quite a story. I know John Elder Robison is still promoting his book, "Look me in the Eye" which I would still like to find a copy of and read. I read all kinds of great reviews from his fans on his FB pages. So anyhow, now that I've caught myself up with all of my online friends lives, even those wild party girls Jenn and Michelle, it's time to get all of you up to date with my life. You all know that the kid's mom came back down from Michigan to here in Louisiana and her intention was to stay here with the kids and I, even though she never asked my parents permission to stay. I guess she figured that I would talk them into it but that wasn't the way things went. I took a neutral stand due to the fact of still having an extreme fear of what she could do if she lost her temper. Because of that fear and her presence in this state now, I might leave some of my personal feelings out for fear of provoking her into causing me bodily harm. Sorry that I can't be one hundred percent honest and open now but I'm sure you all understand. With her most of the time I never saw the abuse coming. It usually either came from the back or the side. So any how, on to the story. The trip to New Orleans was a little scary, but my state of mind was more like a deer drinking from a still pond that hears a noise, lifts up his head, ears, eyes, and nose trying to sense any danger, that was this parent driving with his two kids. I was more in control and protective of my precious cargo. The drive went from a two lane highway, to four, then eight, and for a little while ten lanes of traffic. The adrenaline flowed through my veins and my sense of anticipation was high. We arrived at the bus station and I had to walk the kids around for about a half an hour waiting for her bus to arrive, it was late. Part of the time they pretended to play the video games in a small arcade there, I didn't have to give them quarters, they just used their imaginations which was fine with me. Dawn's bus finally arrived and, after chasing my daughter down who was in pursuit of a pigeon, we were on our way back home. Dawn was sad and upset about leaving Michigan with her grandmother on her death bed, but she wanted to be back in Louisiana before Tony's birthday on the twenty seventh. She was happy to see us, and didn't show any kind of bad feelings towards me so I felt at ease and in control on the drive home. We arrived back here and it was already past time for me to do the kid's supper, so I went into my usual parent mode of checking my daughter's sugar, shots, fixing their food, etc. Dawn went into my parents house to say hi and talk to my mom. For the first half hour things went good. The kids were fed and Dawn and my mom were getting reacquainted, talking about her grandmother still being alive, but really not being here any more as her mind was gone. Her body just hadn't stopped working yet. I guess somewhere in their conversation the topic came up about her staying here and my mom refused. That's when the whole mood changed to two women having an argument about who would end up having custody of the three of us. Dawn is taking the stand of she wants her family back and she's gonna have them! To me, In a way I can see how she loves us like family, especially the kids, but right now I feel safer being here. My mom has never tried to harm me and Dawn has. But I slowly started to learn and realize that my life is no longer in my control. My mother has custody of the kids, Dawn is gonna fight her for that right, and they both want me with the kids to take care of them. That's still my job and responsibility. Some of you have talked about Autistic/Aspergians and mind blindness. This is another case of that. It took me longer than a normal person to realize that I'm not in control of my own life anymore. The world considers me developmentally disabled and not functional. They don't think I'm sane anymore and I'm starting to think they are right! I will never think I am not capable of taking care of my kid though. I always have and always will be a great parent. So back to the story, I had to be a bit of a mediator between these two women. It could've very well erupted into a fist fight if I just let them argue. My rationality and calmness kept the whole thing from turning into major drama, even though on the inside my nerves were completely on edge. I know they both have good intentions, but I still doubt Dawn has the best intentions for the three of us. Her life is still about her and she's still living by having different men to take care of her. She has a standby guy down here in case she needs him, and that's where she'll be staying for now. Close to Mississippi. She has a guy in Michigan that helps to take care of her while she's up there. While she was here, I bought her cigarettes and gave her some money. So this is nothing new to her, it's how she lives her life. If she ever gets her act together and has a safe, decent place for the kids to visit, we will, as long as she's not in a scary mood. But it would take plenty for her to prove to me she's out for the kids and my best interests. So after her staying last night and sleeping on the couch, even though my mom wanted her to sleep in my van, the kids and I took her to Waffle House, her career home, to meet up with the guy she'll be staying with. As I drove home my mind started to wander. I realized that my post's are like a book in progress that you people are reading as I write it. So my life is now a living book. Then it went further, it's more like a reality show, only you don't watch it, you read it! So here I am, an Aspergian who has created the next form of the reality craze. Spread the word, tell your friends and fans, let's get everyone in on this. There are no actor's, this is REAL reality and it's got all the elements of a good sitcom. It's a different kind of family with a different kind of drama. No producer's making fake drama to get your attention. I'm just stating the facts as they happen. Through story's, poetry, etc. you will continue to learn about everyone's life I've been talking about, and more! And if you order right now we'll even include............ ahh yeah, sorry. Started to get carried away :) But seriously, if you're reading this and you're not a follower of this blog, I would appreciate it if you became one. I really love it when someone leaves a comment or sends me an email, it makes me feel good. If you want to try to im me, if I'm in the right mood to talk, as it feels more personal and real life and scary, I will. If I don't answer an im, don't be offended. It's just my autistic fear taking over. Thanks for reading!


  1. Thinking of you and all you are going through. I don't have to try hard to follow this story, because I too have a similar family, the good thing is I removed myself from it. I am proud of you for being a good parent and putting your children 1st. They may not know how much you are helping them until later, but you are so important to their survival and sanity.I'm glad you have good parents. They will watch out for all of you. If I still lived in georgia where my family is, it would be so hard. My husband is great and my children didn't have to grow up in craziness like I did. I wish you lots of luck. I try to read each day but have been in a slight depression lately and skipped a couple of days. Hopefully I am coming out of it so that I can follow daily.