God's Love Shines down on us all

God's Love Shines down on us all
I Love You All, Blessed Be

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Happy Birthday Tony

Well today Anthony makes eight. I'm sure he's had some attention at school due to his birthday and he's anticipating coming home to get presents. I know he'll like what I got him. More video games, his favorite obsession. Yesterday he had only been in school for his third day and already brought home one of those bad reports that look all official that parents have to sign. The official charge on the paper was throwing a missile with intent to harm another student. Really what happened was he became frustrated over his work and threw his pencil on the desk. It bounced and hit another student. I'm sure it won't be too much longer and we'll be pulling him again. The trouble is starting already and the school isn't any better equipped to handle autistic kids than they were two years ago when I pulled him out. He needs one on one attention all the time from someone who knows how to handle autistic kids but that's not going to happen. Around here there are no schools for the autistic so he'll go back to being home schooled if and when he's pulled out again. Dawn is planning on showing up here today with her new boyfriend for Tony's birthday. I tried to explain to her that the kids don't need to keep seeing her with different guys all the time but she don't care. It doesn't matter to her how she's gonna look to them when they're old enough to understand. I don't get her and I don't think I ever will I just know that she has no compassion or sympathy for my feelings and what I'm going through. I don't know. I'll handle it the best I can like I've always done with her. And I'm sure this is more of a trip for him to meet the kids because she likes showing them off to everybody. My nerves are on edge. I don't know why she just continues to only think of herself and what she wants. Never what's best for the kids or me. It bothers me that I would do things so much differently if she had custody of the kids and was taking care of them like she was supposed to. I would live somewhere close, see them as much as possible, and pay support plus I'm sure I would spend extra on them because of my love for them. She hasn't seen them since she left. Won't be here too long today, and again is mainly doing this for her man to meet them, not for Tony. Well I will try and I hope it's a good day for my son anyways. For those of you who are wondering, yes I am still on my meds for now. I think they are the reason not only for the continued suicidal thoughts but also the pain I've been having in my kidneys. My next visit to the psychs I'm going to have to insist that they at least try me on something different. I can't continue to live feeling sick everyday, having pain in my head and lower back, dizzy all the time, and suicidal just to help with my depression. If they don't switch the meds I am gonna stop taking them and see what happens. We'll see. Well, as always thanks for reading and I will post more tonight on how Tony's day went. God bless you all!

1 comment:

  1. Scott,

    The one thing that I've learned about people, and I am not trying to make excuses for them, is that people can only do what they are CAPABLE of doing. It sounds like Dawn has a lot of issues of her own. I think you have an idea of what a functional parent is and is holding Dawn up to that image and it sounds like Dawn is very emotionally immature and dysfunctional. I think it would be like being upset that your pet Tiger doesn't cuddle the way that you would want a pet kitten to cuddle. They just are incapable of doing it because he is a tiger. I have a story for you that I hope helps you. It's a story about a scorpion and a frog.

    One day a frog and a scorpion were sitting beside a pond and the scorpion wanted to get across the pond but couldn't swim, so he said to the frog, "Can I sit on your back while you swim me across the pond?" The frog responded, "But you are a scorpion and I'm afraid that you will sting me along the way and I will die." The scorpion responded, "No, I promise I won't hurt you if you help me out."

    So, the frog allowed the scorpion to get on his back so that he could swim the scorpion to the other side of the pond.

    Everything went smoothly at first, and then when the frog got close to the waters edge on the other side of the pond, the scorpion stung the frog. As the frog realized what happened and knew that he was near death, his last words to the scorpion was, "You promised! I told you you would sting me and you promised that you wouldn't! How could you do that? I trusted you!"

    The scorpion resonded, "Because I am a scorpion."

    This story helps me to realize that although people promise you things that sound good, people are who they are and everyone is at a certain point in life and can only do what they are capable of doing. Scorpions aren't capable of being friends with frogs and leopards can't change their spots. I know it's not the answer that you probably want to hear but we can't expect things out of people when they are incapable of delivering. I hope I'm not sounding really harsh. I have the same issues that you have with people too! Please keep writing! Thinking of you!

    Take Care,