Thursday, August 27, 2009
Happy Birthday Tony
Well today Anthony makes eight. I'm sure he's had some attention at school due to his birthday and he's anticipating coming home to get presents. I know he'll like what I got him. More video games, his favorite obsession. Yesterday he had only been in school for his third day and already brought home one of those bad reports that look all official that parents have to sign. The official charge on the paper was throwing a missile with intent to harm another student. Really what happened was he became frustrated over his work and threw his pencil on the desk. It bounced and hit another student. I'm sure it won't be too much longer and we'll be pulling him again. The trouble is starting already and the school isn't any better equipped to handle autistic kids than they were two years ago when I pulled him out. He needs one on one attention all the time from someone who knows how to handle autistic kids but that's not going to happen. Around here there are no schools for the autistic so he'll go back to being home schooled if and when he's pulled out again. Dawn is planning on showing up here today with her new boyfriend for Tony's birthday. I tried to explain to her that the kids don't need to keep seeing her with different guys all the time but she don't care. It doesn't matter to her how she's gonna look to them when they're old enough to understand. I don't get her and I don't think I ever will I just know that she has no compassion or sympathy for my feelings and what I'm going through. I don't know. I'll handle it the best I can like I've always done with her. And I'm sure this is more of a trip for him to meet the kids because she likes showing them off to everybody. My nerves are on edge. I don't know why she just continues to only think of herself and what she wants. Never what's best for the kids or me. It bothers me that I would do things so much differently if she had custody of the kids and was taking care of them like she was supposed to. I would live somewhere close, see them as much as possible, and pay support plus I'm sure I would spend extra on them because of my love for them. She hasn't seen them since she left. Won't be here too long today, and again is mainly doing this for her man to meet them, not for Tony. Well I will try and I hope it's a good day for my son anyways. For those of you who are wondering, yes I am still on my meds for now. I think they are the reason not only for the continued suicidal thoughts but also the pain I've been having in my kidneys. My next visit to the psychs I'm going to have to insist that they at least try me on something different. I can't continue to live feeling sick everyday, having pain in my head and lower back, dizzy all the time, and suicidal just to help with my depression. If they don't switch the meds I am gonna stop taking them and see what happens. We'll see. Well, as always thanks for reading and I will post more tonight on how Tony's day went. God bless you all!