Saturday, August 22, 2009
Why do the autistic repeat?
As I once again witness my son having a meltdown over a game, myself and my mother trying to joke with him, talk to him, get him to either calm down or take a break from playing. He doesn't want to. Even though this game has him completely in tears, extremely frustrated and upset, he doesn't want to stop. The autistic seem to get stuck in the same routines like that. I will watch certain movies over and over and over. The kids are the same way, Tristyn LOVES Wall-E. I know some of it has to be a comfort thing, but continuing an activity that is causing us great emotional stress doesn't make sense. But we do it anyway. In conversation we only seem to want to talk about whatever our mind is stuck on at that moment. Again, Tony will talk about games for hours, even describing and explaining while he's playing. I guess the reason when I write that my mind will wander is partly due to to my depressive disorder as the phychs put it. Again, I don't know. I'm just trying to figure this whole thing out. Just like the rest of the world. I am sure I've suffered from depression my whole life. My first suicide attempt was as a young teenager. I had a really bad day. My best friend stole my girl. I was smart enough at the time to not put the blame on him, guy's will take what they can get from girls, but she was my first love and she didn't have the same feelings for me. We never had sex, due to me not going after it like a normal guy would. Mr. Aspergers here in his delusional world of waiting for the perfect moment when it was romantic and we'd end up spending the rest of our lives together. Mindblindness. So I look for someone to relate my feelings to and it's the girl that my best friend had dumped for my girl. My dad didn't want to give me money for gas, I left anyways. I needed her shoulder and comfort. On the way home I ran out of gas. My dad had to come help me and when I arrived back home he beat me badly. That night before bed I was in such a terrible emotional state that I ate every pill I could find in the medicine cabinet. I don't remember much after that except waking up in the hospital. I've had other attempts, many of them, which I might go over in future posts. So yes, I do believe it is a depressive disorder due to my autism. But enough of that. I have to go ya'll. I need to make the kid's supper. I will write again soon. Take care and be happy. I'm not, someone has to be. :)