God's Love Shines down on us all

God's Love Shines down on us all
I Love You All, Blessed Be

Friday, August 28, 2009

Not much of a surprise

Hello again. I hope everyone is well. I am doing ok. Well, as far as Tony enjoying his birthday yesterday, he did very much so. With video games and him you can never go wrong! Dawn did show up and was here maybe twenty minutes. She brought him a couple of cheap toys that he wasn't really interested in but Tristyn is having fun with them. Her man of the moment Teddy stayed in his truck like I requested so that was good. My nerves were still on edge. The main reason it seemed to me that Dawn showed up wasn't for Tony's birthday but to ask me about selling her my truck. She's not even working yet and never really done anything for herself in her life like renting a place or buying a vehicle so I asked her, "What am I supposed to do? Give you my truck and then hope that you pay me?" A logical question that anyone would ask. She called me an a$$%ole and walked out. It was all too clear to me that she hasn't changed even though she keeps trying to convince everyone she has. She's still talking to other ex's down here and in Michigan. She tries to keep these men, myself included, on the line in case she needs a place to go, or a ride, or cash, etc. If she doesn't get her way, just like with me and my truck, she throws a fit like a spoiled little girl, starts calling names or getting violent, etc. I have decided I am not going to even do the simple things for her anymore even though I've been doing it for the kids. I'm not giving her any more rides or picking her up to visit the kids, no more loans, etc. It's time for me to stop being the nice guy for her. She doesn't love me or even consider my feelings, she doesn't show me the least little bit of respect, basically, she don't care about anyone but herself like I've said for a while now. I remember when Tristyn first came down with diabetes. I've briefly told this story in another post but it's running through my mind so I'll go into more detail. When Tristyn was two, and it was winter, everyone around was coming down with colds like it usually happens in cold weather. She wasn't hardly eating, she was wanting to sleep more than usual and she was drinking more than normal. I knew nothing about diabetes but my first sign it wasn't just a cold was when I gave her a bath and noticed her spine was sticking out extremely. She had dropped a ton of weight! I took her in to her doctor and they checked her sugar. She was in the six hundreds! So Tristyn and I get transported to the hospital. I call Dawn to give her the bad news that her two year old daughter has type one diabetes. She tells me her boyfriend in Alabama can drive her to Louisiana but I'll have to give them gas money for the trip when they get here. Thinking of my daughter needing all the love and support she can get, I agree. The next day they arrive at the hospital. I've been doing nothing but crying most of the time. Tristyn is constantly crying and begging me, even though she can't talk, to take her home. I am heartbroken and feel so sorry for my little baby. Every couple of hours the nurses were drawing more blood to do tests on her and each time became harder to hit the veins, so the time that they were sticking her with the needles kept getting extended. It was torture for Tristyn, still to this day she doesn't like doctors offices or hospitals. Dawn visited the afternoon that she arrived for maybe twenty minutes. Then she and her boyfriend returned to my place to stay the night with Tony while I stayed at the hospital with Tristyn. The next day Dawn visited Tristyn again for less than an hour, and then she was gone on her way back to Alabama. I still can't believe to this day that a woman can care so little for a child going through so much. I swear that Dawn has no heart and no regard for anyone other than herself and she proves it more each and every day. Tony's birthday yesterday wasn't much different. She cared more about getting a vehicle for herself than her own son's special day. Oh, well. For those of you who want to know, I am still on my meds, yes I still have suicidal impulses daily but now that I'm sure it's the meds they are easier to ignore. I still plan on getting switched to something different or stopping them all together. I can't handle the sickness of them anymore. Please continue to write to me and support me. It really does help. Thank you all.

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