Saturday, August 29, 2009
Suicidal impulses still walk with me. Suicidal thoughts won't let me be. Is it the pills or depression in my head. Is it my Aspergers that makes me want to be dead. Every single day I have to live with this fight. At night suicide seems all that is right. I know it's wrong and that I shouldn't go. My children keep me here, that's all that I know. Experts will say he's not going to do it. He just looking for attention, most Aspergians don't go through with it. I've tried many times, you should see my scars. I've wanted to go to heaven, up in the stars. Most of my life, I've wanted to be dead. Living among the normal is a life I always dread. I don't want you to worry, for me have no fear. I will live on, year after year. But these thought are real, I want you to know. These feelings inside me continue to grow. I have to live with them day after day. They're making me crazy, this much I can say. I sit at these keys, and type out these words. To let out my feelings, to have my voice heard. I hope one day they will find a cure. I hope someday soon my soul will be pure. I am so sorry if I've brought you down. I want to see you smile, not wearing a frown. If I do go tonight, don't be sad for me. Tell the world he really was insane, and just let it be.