Monday, August 17, 2009
Changes are hard for us
One thing that you'll hear a lot of if you're researching autism/aspergers is "They will do better if you put them on a schedule. Changes in routine are very hard for the autistic." This statement is true about every aspect of our lives. Change seems to be something we try to avoid, it bothers us deep in our souls. Some of you have read in my postings that my children and I have recently moved. That was extremely hard on the three of us. We lived in that place for six years and it was the only home my daughter ever knew. Even when her room was empty and we were still moving things from other rooms, she would lay on her floor holding her teddy bear for comfort. My son would say to me often during the moving process, "We can still come back to our old house to visit, right dad?" I can see that the three of us still haven't adjusted to the new place yet. The house where I grew up in Leslie, Michigan is still the only place that feels like home to me. I still have a deep longing to be there. I've always felt not as comfortable everywhere else I've lived. It's been twenty years and I still can't get over it. I keep older furniture and possessions that most people throw out for new things because they're comfortable. My children and I like using the same glasses, plates, bowls, etc. Yes it's a pain washing after every meal, but my cupboards have plenty of space :) We are not hoarders, we don't have to keep everything. It's the things that we find comfortable. The things that make us feel safe, secure, and loved. Those things we don't want to part with, and when we have to, it bothers us to our very core.
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Indeed they are, Scott. I'm going through something similar right now, in recent years I've lost friends and family to death, my mother's family home that my grandfather built half of, the chance to purchase the local home I spent five of the most significant years of my life in, and soon I might lose my mother's current home, which I consider my home even though I've lived a thousand miles away for over ten years. I need that sense of continuity in my life, and it seems to be slipping away bit by bit. Sometimes I wonder if the solution for me would be constant change, so that I don't become overly attached to something I can lose -- to make my schedule a routine of moving on. I don't know if that would work, but I have a sense of wanderlust that's urging me to try it.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted you to know that I'm reading and relating to your words, and rooting for you.